The silent pacts between friends.
There are times when two people from different walks of life come together and take over the world. They create magic with their unity. They bring light and joy to each others’ lives and make sure all the miserable moments at least have an element of fun. And no, I’m not talking about lovers, I’m talking about friends. Deeply passionate friends who stick together like glitter to your body. And with this kind of friendship come unwritten rules (default) that legally dictates their loyalty.
If you don’t follow these with your friend or only one of you does, respectfully, please break the contract.
Thou shalt hear my utterances with patience, as if they were spoken anew, whether due to my memory’s failings or because my heart is not yet healed.
There are times when a friend repeats the mundane happenings of their life to you maybe for the 5th time or maybe the 100th. Maybe they just forgot they’ve already told you, or it’s not mundane to them or maybe they are not over it yet. Hell, maybe there’s no logic. Maybe they just wanted to share it again because it made them feel something and they chose you. Respect that and let them have their moment. Again.
Thou shalt answer me when it is within thy power, should thou not be able to respond when I cry unto thee.
Adult friendships are mostly situationships because when one is available physically and emotionally, the other is not. Yet it is the longest and the most rewarding situationship you could ever have. We are all busy with our lives, we forget birthdays and anniversaries and all is forgiven. But, when a friend reaches out to you on a random Tuesday with a cryptic, “Do you have a minute to talk?”, and if you are busy or simply not in the mood, you can make up a reason to get out of it temporarily but it always becomes your responsibility to get back to them whenever you are mentally available. That one minute could be saving their life. You never know.
Thou shalt speak not of those whom I hold in disdain, no matter the cause.
I’m not sure why this isn’t as common as it should be. Firstly, you are not to be friends or even acquaintances with any soul, digitally or otherwise, that your friend isn’t fond of. The reasons don’t matter by the way. And secondly, if that is too unreasonable for you, the least you can do is stop reminding them of that person through random unnecessary gossip. No, your friend doesn’t want to know if their ex posted a story on Instagram with another girl. And no, your friend doesn’t want to hear how gorgeous her hair is. Honestly, who is this information serving? Know when to zip it.
Thou shalt hold me accountable in the present, but thou shalt not bring up my past transgressions, for they are no more.
If a friend feels safe enough to come to you and open up about something you did that hurt them, you need to have the dignity to listen to them. Sure sometimes it is not your fault and you can call out on them, but it takes grace to accept that you might be flawed and actually might have upset them. But if you get all defensive and instead of apologizing, bring up something that they did along the same lines years ago, it won’t solve the issue at hand. There’s a time and a place to do that and if you didn’t have the courage to address it then, you have no right to bring it up now.
Thou shalt make room for the change within me, whether I come to love what I once loathed, or to loathe what I once loved.
Times change, people change. And even if both of you are thick as thieves, individually, you will go through so many experiences and it might change your perspective towards life, people and what not. Finding yourself in an overwhelming world and embracing change is hard enough and with you judging them for doing something they never used to do or vice versa, it becomes even more challenging. Whether you think it’s good or bad doesn’t matter. Let them be and they will eventually figure out.
These are some unspoken rules that I feel like true adult friendships need to adhere to. And if you follow them properly, maybe you won’t need to dig a grave all by yourself.
Images from: Cosmos
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