What are you but a sum of all the people you’ve known in your life. Is anything about you really yours?
I guess it is normal to feel identity crisis at some point in our lives but sometimes I feel like I am a product. A product of somebody else’s influence on my life. There’s a quote from one of my favorite books that goes, “Infecting each other like this is how we maintain ourselves as human I think.” I believe that it is true for most of us if not all.
It is true how they say, every person you meet has something to offer to you. While it is often assumed as an experience, it is also their specific traits that worm their way into our lives. The sound of your laugh might be your Mum’s, your favorite drink might be your friend’s. I still have certain mannerisms that I got from people who are no longer a part of my life. Sometimes it’s not even because we like it, but just because they had such a deep impact on us that we couldn’t help but allow their little quirks to leech onto us.
Setting aside the influence of mirror neurons, is this all that there is? Are we all copy cats of one other? Are we all pretty much the same and the only way we are set apart is because of the various permutations and combinations we enforce, of all the things we imbibe? What if what makes you different is what makes somebody else normal? What exactly originates with you and ends with you? How is to one have a mind of his own when all his thoughts are fed? Is that why they say everything is connected? The collective conscious?
For instance, why are there so many series and movie remakes. What new is it providing to the audience except maybe the nostalgic factor? I was watching the Australian remake of the Office the other day (I know, why would I even?) and I just couldn’t understand the point of it. It’s pretty much an exact remake of all versions of the Office combined, yet surprisingly, it didn’t even remotely capture the essence of the original purpose of the show. Why are we then, myself included, watching the same story being told in different settings. I am yet to find a horror movie that doesn’t involve moving into a new house or a reckless teenager playing with the supernatural for thrills. Adoption of trends, fashion, ideologies. Be a part of the crowd, it’s easier, it’s safer. Water down yourself to become the next best of the already best.
And it’s not just that, it’s also our values, our decision making, our perceptions, our likes and dislikes. There is a psychological phenomenon called the “Pygmalion effect”. It states that your perception about someone can affect their perception of themselves and can ultimately result in them acting accordingly.
To give an example, say you are a teacher, and you meet two new students. Let’s assume that one student, X, reminds you of your childhood best friend. Maybe he has the same dimpled smile. You instantly find a liking towards him. Now, let us assume the other student, Y, reminds you of your childhood bully. Maybe he has that same cruelty in his eyes. You instantly feel repelled by him. Both of these students don’t know you and vice-versa. But by first glance you have sort of formed an impression about them even without even knowing who they are. Maybe this leads to unfair appreciation of student X or unfair criticism of student Y. Obviously, because you always encourage X, he tends to work harder and thus sees himself as someone who is talented. Since Y has always been discouraged whenever he tries, he thinks that he is not capable of anything good and ultimately stops putting effort. These little cues may sometimes even be involuntary or unintentional; nonetheless, they have the potential to shape the thoughts of the subject involved. That’s how easy influencing is. No wonder it is the talk of the town.
All this makes me wonder; are we really authors of our own novel or are we just the characters in someone else’s?
Images from: Pinterest & Cosmos
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