I used to have a love-hate relationship with hope. Sometimes it made me feel warm; sometimes it felt like a scam. It was equally infuriating as it is rewarding. As I’m growing older, I feel like I’m looking at life through a Stoic lens.
Almost 6 months ago, I lost my pet Dog to Cancer. We tried a lot to save him but we failed. In those hard times, hope was what got me through it all. I kept hoping he would get better, I kept hoping the Doctors would figure out a way, I kept hoping he’ll live to see years to come. The day I heard he passed away, I couldn’t spell Hope anymore. When happened, I couldn’t understand what the point of being hopeful was. A false sense of comfort. A sweet lie I kept feeding myself. After all what had to happen did happen. Exactly how it was supposed to. My hope did not make the outcome better.
Life is a gamble. And everything in life is a gamble. Schrodinger’s cat is as simply as I can put life to be. The chance of something happening is equally plausible as something not happening. And whether you believe in God or the higher power and such, hope as an emotion or a feeling in itself will hardly have anything to do with the outcome. Sure, when you get a desirable event, it serves its purpose but it might be nothing less than coincidence. Most of us are all so simple-minded that we will gulp any placebo that seems to promise sunshine and cupcakes. I also feel like hope focuses too much on the future which is again not guaranteed by any means. Try living for the present. If you look closely enough, here is also nice. Nice is good.
In conclusion, I’d say the wise thing to do is have an open mind about experiences in life. While it’s nice to be positive, this toxic positivity culture is exhausting me. Sometimes life is just unfair, things just don’t work. In such cases, if you’re not too attached to hope, it might just be easier to deal with the not so great parts of life and move on. If you want motivation to do things, do it just for the sake of it. Don’t do it hoping to be good at it, do it to fill a messy page in your journal.
I hope that made sense.
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